THE RITUALISTIC PRACTICE OF BDSM by Headmistress Shahrazad
THE RITUALISTIC PRACTICE OF BDSM
By Headmistress Shahrazad
Art by Adam Coyle
“All acts of love and pleasure are my ritual.” – Doreen Valiente
“Ritual cuts through and operates on everything besides the ‘head’ level.” – Aiden Kelly
Human beings use ritual to make meaning of our world. We do this by attributing intention and symbolism to the actions of our lives. Some rituals, such as the consumption of communion in a Catholic church, are understood in the same way by a significant percentage of the population. Others are more personal, such as the way we prepare our coffee or the way we greet our friends. These may only be meaningful to us, or to those close to us. Although the word “ritual” may conjure up images of black-cloaked ceremonialists and burning incense, it need not be this esoteric. We create a myriad of rituals in our day-to-day life that are just as significant to us as the sacred ceremonies of organized religion. In fact, one could say that they are the ways in which we make the “ordinary” sacred.
The practice of BDSM, in particular, is composed of a vast collection of personal and collective rituals that take intimacy and connection from the mundane to the sublime. Often intended to create an atmosphere of power imbalance between two or more willing partners, these rituals launch those practicing them into a new consensual reality. When we say, as BDSM practitioners, that wearing a collar signifies commitment, service and submission to a Dominant, we are taking a random action (wearing a collar) and giving it new significance and symbolism (ownership). That action is then repeated every time play takes place, establishing a ritual that gains in meaning with each repetition. Over time, the power of the dynamic comes to rest on the foundation of these meaningful actions.
The kinds of rituals observed by those in power exchange dynamics are as unique as the people involved in these kinds of relationships. Some examples are:
The Dominant who instructs her submissive to self-pleasure in a specific way that is pleasing to Her.
The submissive who precedes his communications to his Dominant with the words “Mistress may I speak?”
The submissive who shaves his body before play dates with his Dominant.
The Dominant who orders Her submissive to kiss Her whip before each beating.
The D/s couple who light a candle at the beginning of every scene and snuff it out to signify the end of that encounter.
The submissive who must avert eye contact with his Dominant or who must always seat himself on the floor rather than the furniture.
The regular practice of pre-negotiation or aftercare between Dominant and submissive.
All rituals, no matter how simple or complex, will transform our awareness or our understanding of ourselves and our place in the world. When executed with intention and consciousness, a ritual will always open a door to an opportunity to understand the Self more deeply, to feel or sense a personal connection to a greater purpose, or to exercise love in action. If one is present within the ritual, experiencing it with all of one’s senses and understanding the meaning behind the action, one has the potential to transcend the “what is being done” and touch into a greater meta-landscape of intimacy, truth, and connection. This is the reason why many practitioners of BDSM allude to it as a spiritual practice.
The doors to personal transformation that ritual affords cannot be forced. They open of their own accord when a person is fully, deeply immersed in an experience; performing the actions with full presence and attention. Some refer to this place as “being in the flow”, and it comes when one can let go of expectations, attachments, boredom, shame, resistance, guilt, judgements, and other negative blocks that impede presence. These do not dissipate overnight but can be viewed as worthy adversaries or teachers along the D/s journey.
Think about the ways in which you consciously or unconsciously sabotage your full presence in your BDSM dynamics, keeping your actions superficial and staying stuck in your head. Then let each and every opportunity to engage in ritualized interactions with your Dominant or submissive become a meditation on presence. Let each kneel at your Dominant’s feet be like the first you have ever executed. Let each blow you rain down on your submissive be the first blow you have ever delivered. Engage the ritual with every cell in your body and watch the transformation that occurs.
As a Dominant who regularly works with the transformative power of ritual, I invite you to peruse this month’s collection with genuine excitement. We contain far greater potential than we can even imagine. Do you dare open to the unknown realms of yourself?