What to Expect When Booking a Pro for the First Time by Lady Pim
What to Expect When Booking a Pro for the First Time
By Lady Pim
Everyone has a first time with a Pro Dominant. If you've been seeing a Pro Dom(me) for years, can you remember your first session? You probably left important things out of the request form. You almost cancelled last minute. You were so nervous that you wondered if he/she could see your hands shaking. You were maybe a little too... eager to please?
And then next time, it got slightly better. You got a little more confident in communicating your desires. You were able to focus more during the scene. You eventually started to let the outside world melt away, and truly connect with your Dom(me). But it might take a couple times to get there. We understand that you are going to be nervous. We realize that you may have very little experience. We know that you may not get everything right the first time. And that's okay. Here is an article that may help you out on your first visit to a Professional Dominatrix.
A great way to start out, is to pay particular attention to how the Dom(me) wants you to book. The first red flag for a Pro Dominant, is when the potential client cannot follow simple booking instructions. The process for The Ritual Chamber is easy: There is an application form directly on the website that asks you availability, interests, limits, what Dom(me) you would like, and for how long. You just fill in the blanks and press "send". So, for example, sliding into the Ritual Chamber's Twitter DMs with nothing but a "hey", will not get you a response. Most Pro Dominants will have booking instructions on the bio of their social media, or prominently displayed on their website. If they require screening information, then you must go through the screening process. If they require a deposit, then you must send the deposit. If they tell you their rates, then those are their rates. It seems like common sense to follow these instructions, but Pros spend an alarming amount of emotional labour dealing with potential clients trying to haggle, get around the rules, or generally wasting their time. If it helps, pretend that you're making an appointment for any other professional service. Would you try to bend the rules when applying to see a new doctor? Of course not.
Let's assume that you've booked an appointment. What are some things you can do to prepare? One thing you can do, is to think about your reasons/intentions for engaging in this particular type of play. What do you hope to accomplish in this scene? Think about what you can say to the Dom(me) so that they can better facilitate your session. What do you like to be called? What phrases really get you in the proper headspace? What energy do you like in the room? How do you like to feel during a scene? If you can't answer these questions, that's ok, too. Some folks are right at the very beginning of their kink journey, and hiring a Pro is a great way to figure out what path interests you most.
On the day, there are a couple things you should do to prepare. Eat/Hydrate: the last thing we want if you feeling dizzy or under nourished mid-session. Shower: this is a must; some professionals require that you do it onsite. Do not engage in any intoxicants: most Pros will refuse you entry if they suspect you are under the influence. If you're engaging in any sort of anal play, you will need to clean internally with an anal douche or enema. When you arrive, you will have the opportunity to use the washroom one last time before the scene begins.
Finally, after much anticipation, you are ringing the doorbell, and anxiously awaiting the Dom(me) to open it. She/he should be polite and professional. They should not begin Domming you until the scene has been properly negotiated (which means that the two of you will sit down for a few minutes to discuss what you would like to explore in the session). During this chat, you will get the chance to clarify and elaborate on what you have filled out on the form or application. At the very least, she/he should go over your safe words, boundaries, physical limitations. They will tell you what is expected of you in the scene. This may include protocol like saying "Mistress" or "Sir" after every reply, kneeling or bowing when she/he enters, or averting your eyes in her/his presence. A note: the scene may begin as soon as you enter the space if you request it that way, but this should only happen upon very specific request.
Negotiation is also a great time to get acclimated to the space, and connect with your Dom(me) a little bit, out of role. If they are aware you are new to booking Pros, the Dominant will be taking extra care to make you feel safe, heard, and comfortable. My advice to you, is to be as forthcoming as possible. We understand that may be nervous. We know that you may have internalized shame around your kink. We get that you don't want to be inappropriate. We understand the instinct to just "do whatever Mistress wants". But, we've truly heard it all, and nothing shocks us. Good dungeons are shame-free, judgment-free spaces. The more information we have about your kink, the better we will be able to facilitate your session. The Dominant will be asking you a bunch of questions. Try not to get too anxious to start, and skim them over.
Another thing to mention, is not to try and accomplish too much in one session. If you have only booked an hour, and have a list of a dozen things you would like to do, then the Dom(me) will most likely get you to choose a top three. You can always book again. Depending on the kink, sometimes three is even too much. You can talk with the Dominant to determine what three might work best with the role play or premise you have chosen.
Some Dom(me)s prefer payment before, and some after. If there isn't direct information on when the transaction should happen, it's always a good idea to offer beforehand, just in case. You may either leave a tip before or after, as well. Sometimes it's nice to receive a tip beforehand, because it puts us in a good mood for the session. After also has its appeal, because it shows that the sub enjoyed the scene. Though not required, a tip is a great way to leave the Dom(me) feeling appreciated, and eager to book with you again. If you are thinking about bringing a gift, a Dominant will sometimes list options on their website or social media. Otherwise, asking what they would like as a gift is never a bad idea.
And then, there's the scene. In general, no scene looks the same, but there are things that will happen in some degree during a Professional session. Number one, the Dom(me) will start slow. Not only does the scene need somewhere to go intensity-wise, but they will always err on the side of safety. Even if the requested scene involves intensity and heavy/edgy play, the Dominant will need to test and determine what exactly that means to you. Pain is subjective. One thing that may be painful to you, may not be pleasurable to another. That said, regardless of what you tell us during negotiation, we will need to gauge how much you can handle, before throwing the entire thing at you.
Secondly, we will be checking in with you throughout the scene. We understand that mid scene can be a tough time for a sub to advocate for themselves. Sometimes a sub will push themselves to please the Dom(me), or satisfy some internal goal. Sometimes a sub finds themselves drifting off into an altered state. Sometimes a sub just feels to "subby" to look at his Mistress in the eye, let alone speak up when their hands are going numb. A good Pro will give you lots of opportunity to change up the activity, switch a position, take a break, or vary the intensity. They will be reading your body language, and taking cues from the answers you give them. You should never worry that using your safe words will disappoint the Dom(me) or ruin "the mood". We are here for you. To help you indulge in your deepest fantasies. That's the whole point of hiring a Professional. The last thing we want, if for you to do something that you don't want to be doing.
That said, there is always an element of improvisation and unexpectedness during a scene. It's important to understand that the scene may not play out exactly as you picture it. This is because there is another person involved, and they are not privy to the dialogue going on inside your head. The wild card in this equation, or the Dom(me), will do their best to facilitate your fantasy with the provided information. My advice is to try not to control it. The whole point of booking a Dominatrix is to submit. She/he is a Professional for a reason: because they are skilled in providing these types of services. They've put in the reps. Welcome the co-creation. Odds are, they will be able to take your fantasy somewhere surprising you never pictured it going.
Next, the Dom(me) will leave time for aftercare. Don't worry, she/he won't just suddenly kick you out while you're still reeling. Aftercare is very important, especially if you have engaged in intense physical/emotional/mental play. This may include a glass of water, snacks, a blanket, soft touch, a hug or snuggle, quiet time, or talking about the scene. If you require anything specific, let them know. Most Dom(me) will have a shower available for your use, as well, but stay respectful with the time that you have booked. If you have booked an hour, then negotiation, the scene, aftercare, and a shower/getting dressed all needs to happen within the hour.
Lastly, if you enjoyed yourself, don't hesitate to leave a positive testimonial. This can be emailed to the general info/inquiry address, listed on their website or social media. Online presence goes a long way for Professional Dom(me)s. Think back: did reading a testimonial influence your decision to book?